The Most Cliche Sly Story Ever Told
by Billie Wolfgang
Summary: Carmelita has twins. They're Sly's. Bentley goes insane. What will happen when these thoughts are thrown around in Kitty's brain?


**A/N:** Gasp! Has Kitty run out of so much creativity that she's actually writing _Sly_ fanfiction?  
Not that I have anything against Sly fanfics, of course, but I told myself I'd never write it. And yet, here I am, publishing a Sly story

This story is supposed to be a joke. Since most of Sly stories nowadays are about Sly's child(ren), I'm writing one about Sly after he came a father. and I'm trying for a rather cliche story, possibly the most cliche Sly story around. And this is supposed to be written stupidly. At most, I spent...an hour and a half on this and maybe five minutes editing it. So, it's just a free-lance, and an experiment for myself.

Italics is my comments. The narrator (normal text) may or may not respond to me.

So, here we go!

* * *

Sly and Carmelita did eventually have children. Of course, fox/raccoon hybrids threw all of the scientists off their game, but it must've been possible.

They were twins, one boy and one girl, and Sly allowed his now-wife to name the male, and he named the female. They were Aeolus (the boy) and Alecto (the girl) Cooper.

_Okay, a few things. How is a fox/raccoon hybrid even physically possible, no matter how cool it is?_

It's a fanfic for a video game. It's not supposed to make sense.

…_true. And another-Aeolus and Alecto Cooper? Well…it is pretty catchy._

Are you done now?

_Yeah, yeah, I'm fine._

But along with the troublesome task of raising two infant fox/raccoon hybrids, Sly had a reputation to keep.

"What do you mean you have to keep thieving?"

"It's my family legacy, Carm. I'm talking about a family legacy stretching all the way back to 1300 B.C."

"Really?"

"Well, that's as far back as it's recorded."

Carmelita let out a huff and crossed her arms. Aeolus squirmed in his father's arms.

"Well, fine."

"And this means I can't show up at cop banquets anymore."

The fox sighed.

"Fine. Will you still be with Bentley and Murray?"

"Maybe. It depends."

"Well…then off with you. But you have to stay in this general area."

"Wait, why?"

"You have children now."

"…That's true. You've got a deal, Carm." Sly nudged his foot underneath his cane, which was on the ground, and threw it up into his hand. He tightened the red pouch strapped to his leg, but before he walked out the door, he dashed back into the house.

"Hey, Carm?"

"Yeah?"

Sly kissed her on the cheek, grinned, and said, "I love you." Before dashing away into the night.

"Don't get caught, Ringtail!" she called after him. Sly raised a hand to tell her that he heard her advice, and vanished into the dark.

FIVE YEARS LATER…

"I'm sick and tired of this, Sly!"

"What's that, Bentley?" Sly looked up from his card game with Murray, who had his tongue stuck out in concentration. Sly and the gang were now approaching 27 years of age, give or take a few. Still young, and plenty of time to steal everything they wanted to.

"You and your stuck-up-ness!"

"Stuck-up-ness?" Sly repeated, looking amused. Bentley wheeled down the ramp in the safe house, glaring at him through glasses.

"Do you ever think of anyone besides yourself?"

"Whoa, buddy, what's making you say this?" The master thief's expression changed from amused to concerned.

"I mean, the gang is called the Cooper Gang! Never the…Turtle-Hippo-Raccoon Gang!"

"Family tradition, pal. If it weren't for me, you'd still be at that orphanage and not running with one of the most successful thieving families."

"But if it weren't for me, you and Murray would be like sticks in the mud!" Bentley cried, coming to a halt in front of Sly. Murray looked up from his cards, frowning.

"Guys…don't fight…"

"Are you calling me dumb?" The fur on the back of Sly's neck stood up. Murray put down his cards, still frowning.

"Why-Why yes, I am!"

"What's gotten into you, Bentley? The last time you mentioned this, Dr. M was trying to turn you against me."

"Maybe I should've when I had the chance."

"Bentley? What's going on?" Penelope came down the stairs, looking worried.

"Just telling this _jerk-wad_ what I really think of him."

"But, Bentley-!"

"Don't try to talk me out of it, woman!"

_Ooooh, angry Bentley is harsh._

Penelope froze, shocked, before putting her hand over her mouth and dashing back up the stairs.

"Now _that_ was just uncalled for, Bentley. You can't just yell at your wife like that!"

"I've heard you yelling at Carmelita."

"Yeah, but I'm a thief and she's a cop. And we're normally shouting about something stupid, like a game, but never fighting."

Bentley paused, silently fuming. Sly clutched his cane tightly in one hand, his jaw tight. Murray was standing now, still frowning, but not taking part in the argument.

"Well, if that's how it's going to be then I'm leaving!"

The exit was just past Sly. While Bentley was wheeling by, he stuck a bomb in Sly's pouch, without him knowing.

"Wait, Bentley! You can't-!"

"Just watch me, Cooper!" And the door slammed shut.

_Ooooh, fun!_

An awkward silence filled the room, but Sly's magnified hearing picked up a soft beeping noise that sounded awfully a lot like Bentley's explosives. He thought it was just his mind playing tricks on him before he saw his pouch flashing. Sly shoved his hand into it, ripped out the bomb, and rushed to a window.

"Sl-?"

It went off before Murray could even finish saying his name.

_That's saying something. Sly is a short name._

The safe house was blown to pieces, but the explosive wasn't powerful enough to kill anyone. Sly picked himself up, rubbing his head and brushing broken glass off of his shirt. Part of the floor of the second level had been blown away, and Penelope was staring down at them, eyes wide.

"Are you guys okay?"

Sly only groaned in response. Murray's fist appeared from under some wooden floorboards, and soon the hippo pulled his upper body out from under the debris.

"Man, that had some kick!" he exclaimed, looking around at the ruined safe house. Sly nodded, rubbing his head. He could've sworn he felt blood there, but obviously not, as his glove was still blue. Or was it? He couldn't see straight.

"So…I'm gonna go warn Carmelita about a psycho turtle in a wheelchair that might come to kill my kids," Sly said, rummaging around in the debris for his cane. Murray nodded approvingly.

"Make sure the family safe, Sly, good first call."

"You and Penelope try to track where he is," the thief continued, yanking the wooden bottom of his family heirloom out from under a few floorboards. "Tell me if you find him."

"Will do, Sly. Stay out of trouble." Penelope nodded at Sly, and he shook her hand. He turned to Murray, who had pulled a leg out from under the rubble.

"Stay tough, big guy," Sly said, patting him on the back. Murray grinned at him.

"Will do, little guy!"

As Sly left the remains of the house, he couldn't help but smile.

A FEW MONTHS LATER…

"So, Sly, showing your face again?"

Sly stopped in the hallway of the museum, turning around slowly to face the voice. It was some sort of animal in a wheelchair, which was slowly whirling its way closer. Sly squinted and looked closer.

"…Bentley? What happened to you?"

"I changed sides. I was tired of playing Robin Hood, so I just became full out evil." A shaft of moonlight from a window crossed over his face, and there were scars and lines criss-crossing over it, making him look much older than he really was.

They glared at each other for a while before an epic duel commenced. Eventually, Interpol agents came, and Sly managed to escape only partially-scathed. He didn't like leaving Bentley to get arrested, but he had no other choice.

Sly's son carried on the Cooper legacy, and his daughter became a famous Interpol inspector. The End.

* * *

**A/N:** Shocking ending, no?


End file.
